i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
