I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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