Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I want is dick and wine.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
