happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
we're so committed to being not committed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
