look no pants
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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