I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
