Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
A+ Viking dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
