Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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