oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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