i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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