The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
