I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
