problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
