the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
