I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
