So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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