OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
