After last night, I could never be a politician.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
