i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
