last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
