what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I FOUND THE LEGS
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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