i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
