Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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