i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
