Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
