I think my vagina is haunted
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
