Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
