And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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