This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
