is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
