there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
