I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
