drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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