I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
