But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
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