I accidentally had phone sex last night
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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