just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
