He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
