If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
