i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
