hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
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