North Korea, Best Korea!
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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