is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My feet surprised me
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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