he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
