i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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