Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
