Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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