I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
