allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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