I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
